My Name is Norval
Author Unknown, nineteenth century
My name is Norval. On the Grampian hills
My father feeds his flocks; a frugal swain;
Whose constant cares were to increase his store,
And keep his only son, myself, at home.
For I have heard of battles, and I long’d
To follow to the field some warlike lord;
And heaven soon granted what my sire denied.
This moon, which rose last night round as my shield,
Had not yet filled her horns, when, by her light,
A band of fierce barbarians from the hills
Rushed like a torrent down upon the vale,
Sweeping our flocks and herds. The shepherds fled
For safety and for succour. I alone,
With bended bow, and quiver full of arrows,
Hover’d about the enemy, and mark’d
The road he took ; then hasted to my friends,
Whom, with a troop of fifty chosen men,
I met advancing. The pursuit I led,
Till we o’ertook the spoil-encumber’d foe.
We fought—and conquer’d. Ere a sword was drawn
An arrow from my bow had pierced their chief,
Who wore that day the arms which now I wear.
Returning home in triumph, I disdain’d
The shepherd’s slothful life; and, having heard
That our good king had summon’d his bold peers
To lead their warriors to the Carron side,
I left my father’s house, and took with me
A chosen servant to conduct my steps—
Yon trembling coward, who forsook his master.
Journeying with this intent, I passed these towers;
And, heaven-directed, came this day to do
The happy deed that gilds my humble name.
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This line of An Overworked Elocutionist provided by far the most challenging and time-consuming part of my poetry-hunting. I had never heard of poor old Norval or his Grampian hills, and my initial searches in my poetry books and on the internet turned up nothing. This seemed curious to me, since most of the poems in AOE are quite well-known – Wells depends on her readers to know the poems Robert is splicing, otherwise it wouldn’t be funny. So, here we would seem to have a major discrepancy between what poems were well-known to the nineteenth-century reader knew and those we know today. Not only that, but the number of spoofs of this poem suggests to me that it was really, really well-known. As Weird Al Yankovic could surely tell you, there’s little point in satirizing something that nobody’s heard of. But check it out:
My name is Norval. On the Grampian hills
It is forgotten, and deserves to be.
So are the Grampian hills and all the people
Who ever heard of either them or me.
(Hugh McDonald: A Drunk Man Looks at the Thistle. (1926))
Also this poem, c. 1910, a spoof of the ballad, Home’s play, or both, in the service of Norval’s Sensible Scotch Whiskey.
My name is Henry Norval,
I’m acquent wi’ Whisky Stills,
Tho’ my faither never fed his flocks,
Upon the Grampian Hills,
I’m a canty kind o’ Publican,
An honest trade I dae,
In a ticht wee Public Hoose,
Upon the Chapel Brae.
The National Library of Scotland finally helped me out by identifying the line as part of a nineteenth-century broadside ballad. According to NLS, the ballad also inspired “Douglas,” a tragic play by John Home (1722-1808). The play “tells the story of the infant son of Douglas, who is supposed dead by his parents. Old Norval, a shepherd, finds and brings up the boy, who saves his stepfather, Lord Randolph’s, life and is then reunited with his mother. Randolph’s heir, Glenalvon, however, is not happy about having his inheritance threatened and puts an end to Young Norval’s life. In despair, Lady Randolph throws herself from a cliff.” Yes, well, nobody promised you cheerful, did they?
So, what exactly is a Grampian, anyway? I got some help here from Brewer’s Britain & Ireland: The History, Culture, Folklore & Etymology, by John Ayto, Ian Crofton, Paul Cavill (hey, I warned you this was a geeky project!). Here’s what they say:
“Mistakenly derived in 1520 (possibly a mistranscription) by the historian Hector Boece from the battle of MONS GRAMPUS recorded by Tacitus, in which, in A.D. 84, Agricola defeated the Picts somewhere north of the River Tay.
A name (alternatively The Grampians) applied variously by poets, cartographers, and geographers (but few others) to the whole of the HIGHLANDS south and east of the GREAT GLEN, or to all the mountains (including the CAIRNGORMS) east of the Spay and north of the Tay, or just to those east of the A9 and the Drumochter Pass and and south of the Dee. This last area is sometimes known as the MOUNTH…
The range gave its name to the former Grampian region in northeast Scotland, and to the Grampians, an extension of the Great Dividing Range in Victoria, Australia.”
Glad we cleared that up.
If anyone has any more information about where this line came from, I would love to hear it.